Review: Dungeons and Dragons Film (2000) Review

Title: Dungeons and Dragons
Publisher: New Line Cinema
Year: 2000
Rating: 5 of 5 stars. 

Am I insane? 5 stars for the 2000 Dungeons and Dragons movie? Yes, I am but it isn't a factor here.  

We have a film starring Justin Whalin, Marlon Wayans, Thora Birch, Zoe McLellan, Kristen Wilson, Lee Arenberg, Bruce Payne and the Original GQ Smoothy Jeremy Irons. They tried to work with all kinds of Intellectual Properties from the game and it's a dud. 

Well. That has to be some sort of record. How could you fail with that much background information and those actors? Easily, apparently. 

But why would I give it 5 stars? 

It's funny really. It's like someone at New Line Cinema sat down at a table and said, "Gee, let's throw some money at a long list of actors who probably aren't filming something today and we'll see what happens. We can fix a lot of stuff with edits and in post." Looking at the list of people involved with this project, they could have picked worse people. Hell, some of them I like a lot. Actors, directors, writers and so on. When it comes to the actors, I am sure they went out of their way trying to make an excellent movie and I am positive it was perfect. 

What they missed was a quality Dungeon Master. You know, someone who could come up with an engrossing story and snappy delivery. Something that makes the players want to come back for more. 

If only that they hired an actual DM to actually, you know, produce something. Instead, what we got was Justin Whalin, Marlon Wayans, Thora Birch, Zoe McLellan, Kristen Wilson, Lee Arenberg, Bruce Payne and Jeremy Irons all in a room, picking their character sheets and paychecks off the commissary table and trying to work out their motivation in all of this over some dicey ham salad sandwiches. 

The result is laughly bad. How could they pick out 8 people with actual 18+ charisma scores and botch a movie? 

Well... they didn't. The result is exactly like if you sat down with Justin, Marlon, Thora and the gang and tried to play D&D for the first time. I can't tell you how many horrible campaigns I've put stellar players through and this movie captures this process perfectly. This film is a perfect rendition of every noob mistake made by a rookie DM. 

5 of 5 stars. 

"I know Mr. Irons. You ARE charismatic. You just rolled a one, that's all. It happens..."

This is not the post you're looking for...

Today, I have the chance to see Rogue One.

I haven't been to a Star Wars film on premiere day since I was a child. I'm loving.

So I am AMC with their reclining chairs and student specials. This is going to be awesome!

The Martian by Andy Weir

Title: The Martian
Author: Andy Weir

Year: 2014

Pages: 384

Rating: ★★★★★

This review is a reworking of a 2016 post. 

This is a gripping novel about biologist and astronaut Mark Watney surviving Mars after an accident leaves him alone and stranded. Watney must overcome challenge after challenge, none of which seem contrived to hold on until... What?

No one back home knows Watney is alive, there is no rescue coming. He has supplies for a 50+ day mission for six, machinery that isn't designed to last more than 30 days and no hope. Watney has to make his own way, with only his know-how and the equipment left behind.

Watney comes to us via logs and down to Mars first person narratives, which are heart pounding, humorous and chilling by turns. No hands are waved on this techno-thriller, the story is pack full of details and observations that could right from NASA. No surprise here, Andy Weir is a lifelong programmer for a national laboratory and space enthusiast.  

This was a very interesting read as the premise was to build an engrossing story through the lens of engineering, failure and success. It is very much like the works of Robert Forward however Watney's character is in the driver's seat of the feats of engineering and not the math or the physics. All of the characters live and breathe in the novel where problem solving and engineering are a significant feature and purpose, but not the only one. There is a perfect tagline spoken by the hero: "Let's science the shit out of this", which is very apt.    

Happy Inception, Roy Batty

January 8th, 2016 is Roy Batty's Inception date.

"I've seen things..."

2015 Highlight Reel - It's Baymax Cake

My wife's birthday was a mess. She worked the day before, I had to rush ship her gift and I forgot to order the cake in time for her party. For the gift, I ordered a Baymax hoodie, "How to Fist Bump" from Redbubble.

I found one baker who was game for a simply decorated cake on the day of the party. Just Say Cheesecake on Sheridan Drive, Amherst, NY saved my butt and produced the best cake ever.

The kids all shrieked: "It's BAYMAX CAKE!"

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

The boys and I went to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens again.

This time we saw it at AMC.

Nice place, comfy seats. I haven't been to an AMC theater since high school. They are really great. You sit in assigned seats, but you get a choice of location and every seat is a recliner. It made all 2 hours and 19 minutes perfect.